Why It's Important To Let Go Of Toxic People

Monday, 29 August 2016

This is a post that I've been thinking of writing for a while now, and to be honest I don't really know how to go about it. But I think it's a topic I have enough experience in and something that needs talking about more. So this may well be more of a word vomit post, but I'd really appreciate it if you kept with me.

I guess this post will be more specifically aimed at toxic friends than family members or significant others, but I guess the points I'm going to make are transferable to your own situation.

Identifying Toxic People
I'd like to start by talking about how to see who's a toxic friend and the difference between that and a bad friend. Toxic friends are much more than just a bad friend. Bad friends might forget to invite you to a few things, bitch a little behind your back and spread a few rumours but toxic friends are something completely different. Here's just a few examples of how to identify a toxic friend. 

  • Toxic friends will pull you down without you realising they're doing so. 
  • They're manipulative to extremes. 
  • They have many friends, with a new best friend every couple of weeks, chopping and changing in circles. So that they're there, then they're gone but still have this weird pull on you so you stay loyal.
  • They'll manipulate you into telling your secrets and make you believe that they're telling you something in return. 
  • They never listen to your problems they only want to talk about their own. 
  • They're not supportive of your goals and aspirations and don't support your success, they're just jealous. 
  • You're always the one making the effort, whether it's you starting the conversation or arranging plans. They always put themselves first. 
  • They make you feel guilty about everything and they love to be the victim. 

The first step is to accept your 'friend' for who they are, and understand that you will not be able to change them. And to be honest, if they really are a toxic friend you shouldn't want to change them. You need to accept that this is who they are and that you're better of without them. It doesn't matter why they are the way they are, all that matters is that you understand that you're better of without them.

Letting Go and Moving On
Once you've understood why they are as they are the next step is to try and forgive and forget. Block them out of your life, stop talking, stop interacting with mutual friends. What I want to stress here is that it's a process, it won't happen in over night and I think it's important you have the conversation that you shouldn't be friends anymore. Once you do this you'll see how you can manage without them, and how much happier you are without them constantly pulling you down or messing with your head. In general I've forgiven and moved on from what this toxic person has done to me in the past. However there's things that this persons done, not necessarily to me, but I'll never forgive. Words and action can be so unbelievably harmful to people and the consequences of all this manipulation is awful.
Without knowing the ins and outs of my story I guess it seems like I'm contradicting myself a little on this last point. But I hope I managed to get my point across. 

This isn't about me being bitter, I'm 100% happier now that this person is out of my life, and in a way, I'm grateful for knowing this person. It's given me the best life lesson in the world. Understanding the different between real friends, and fake friends and how important it is to let go. And it's been so liberating being able to say goodbye and close that chapter of my life.

If you're struggling with something like I've covered here in todays post, then please feel free to drop me an email or tweet me. I'm here to talk.

With Love; Em x

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